Blog change

I'm thinking about changing the title of the blog but have no idea what to. And I'm kind of sad to see "Little Kob to Be" go. Who knew I could be a digital pack-rat?

We're getting through

I seem to be a little crazy when I have to get up less than an hour after putting Cole to bed. The past two weeks DH has put his foot down about me doing all the work at night while he slept since he's trying to get up at 5 am and put in a ton of hours (he's hourly and wants to take advantage of that)...I was resistant only because I've been terrified of being hit hard with PPD and anxiety since normal depression and anxiety run in my family. I knew I'd resent him sleeping while I took care of the baby and I didn't want to be alone. Yes, I'm psycho it seems.

But two days ago I asked Jeff to be the one to stay up with Cole until he fell asleep, which is anywhere from 9 to 11 depending on Cole's mood. And I just go right to sleep. And guess what? This works for me! I can get up the other times in the night with no problem because that first stretch was a decent one. Fingers are crossed that this continues.

I did it!

Yesterday Cole hit 2 months! And while taking his official picture, he gave me the biggest smile and I caught it on camera! WOOT!

His appointment went well, he's up to 12 lbs 4 oz and 23.5 inches long (75th percentile for both!) I loved hearing "Well, now there's a healthy 2 month old!" haha

He also got his shots, 2 of them to be exact, one in each of his little, chubby thighs. Yes, I cried harder than he did. And an oral vaccine as well. When they told me one of the shots contained like 4 or 5 vaccines in one I said "So, I guess they're trying to make it impossible for anyone to stagger the vaccines. No use in me fighting it, huh?" I wanted to be on an alternate schedule, but I didn't do a ton of research and I never really talked it over with the ped. I've always been pro-vaccine, it's just becoming a parent makes me second guess a lot of things. So it wasn't terribly hard to let go of the alt schedule, but it was hard not to worry afterward.

One of the shots he was supposed to get wasn't in stock, which I was secretly thankful for since it was one more he didn't have to cram into his little body. We have to go back next week and I'm terrified because it's one with the "typical" side effect of a fever. I won't be sleeping that night if that's the case. :-/

But he took the ones from yesterday really well. We had a bottle with us and fed him right after which stopped the crying, then we changed him and he immediately fell asleep. His fussiness was only a little bit increased but by 1 am, he was back to as normal as he could get. And he slept two 3.5 hr stretches! ::sigh:: I love him.

Let's try this again

My blogging goal is to try and post at least once a week. There's so much I already missed posting about, let me see what I can remember...

Breastfeeding
Except for a couple days during the 3rd week, I EBF for the first 5 weeks of Cole's life. Then he hit a growth spurt and while I was already dealing with ridiculous nipple and breast pain, the almost constant demand to feed him did me in. I was at the point of being MAD that my child dare be hungry again. And I realized I couldn't be like that. Add to that a bout of mastitis, and I was through with breastfeeding.

I now pump the majority of Cole's meals. I'm sad to say I can't keep up with his increased intake and some of his bottles are formula, but I'm at least happy the majority of what he takes in is BM.

Sleep
Cole seemed to be headed for STTN around Christmas (2-3 weeks) where he had some nights with 4 to 5 hour stretches...it was bliss! But then he went back to eating every 2 hours and our nights became hell.

It was just a week ago (7 weeks old) that he increased to 3 and 4 hour stretches. What we found with him was that if we fed him a little bit more, say 6 ounces instead of 4.5 or 5, over an hour instead of 20 min, he slept for these longer stretches. While all other things like reading, playing, snuggling, etc. failed, this worked. Thank God!

Milestones
Smiling - Cole had been smiling in his sleep since a couple days after his birth but it wasn't until this past Friday, when he was 8 weeks old exactly, that I witnessed his first social smile. Let me tell you, my DS is an absolute angel, so freaking adorable. He has dimples! I'm even more in love!

Laughing - While I wouldn't consider it a "real" laugh as in a social one, right after his first social smile, Cole fell partially asleep (when he usually does is smiling) and actually giggled after a few closed eye smiles! It was the most heart melting sound, I can't wait to hear it again!

Holding head up - Cole has been a champ at this right from the beginning. We do tummy time on our chests, on his play mat and in his boppy a couple times a day. At around 6 weeks he was also lifting up on his forearms a couple times. He's getting so strong, so fast!

"Talking" - Cole loves to make sounds. When he's really content, he'll just lay there staring at me or Jeff and talk to us.

On top of all these things, Cole loves pushing with his legs, he's stood up a couple times while leaning on our sides on our bed (it was amazing!), he loves looking at so many objects (his favorites are the mirrors and speakers in our living room), and he's playing more and more with his hands and discovering his feet.

Here's a picture I took last week:

I'm sorry, I'm trying!

I really really suck at multi-tasking right now. I'll try harder to post more, but for now here's a story that I posted on the bump and had to share on my blog as well since I think it's hilarious...this proves my lack of ability to multi-task!

The other day I was trying to update my Quick Books for my business and needed the help of customer service. My DS was laying on my chest on the couch, I had my laptop on my lap behind him, my right hand was on the mouse while my left hand was holding his behind. So I put my cell phone on speaker phone and put it in my left hand as well.

Just before the call ended with Joe from customer support, my little guy woke up a bit and let out a very loud poop...right into the phone for Joe to hear. I was so shocked I hung up and didn't finish fixing my problem.

I couldn't stop laughing, this will teach me!

Birth Story - finally!!

I'm finally getting around to posting Cole's birth story. I'm obviously not so good at multi-tasking right now, just focusing fully on Cole and trying to still take care of myself (not easy, I don't even have hunger cues right now in order to remember to eat!)

So from the previous posts it seemed obvious I was heading towards a diagnosis of pre-eclampsia. And Jeff and I were ready to fight with the Doctor when surprise of all surprises, there was protein found in my urine and we were told that we would be kept and I would be induced.

I immediately went down to L&D where I got "comfortable" and was started on Cervidil, which is used to ripen the cervix. I started having small contractions but was not considered to be in active labor until my water broke/was broken or my contractions got really close together and stronger. I hung out with Jeff until we decided to get some sleep after my parents stopped by to check on us. Jeff even placed an order for cigars to celebrate (I wanted to kill him at the time haha).

I was given something to allow me to sleep, as well as I could anyway, and 12 hours later at 6 am the Cervidil was removed (holy hell!) and my water was broken by the doctor (warm!). So contractions immediately started and when I was asked how strong they were, I told them a 4 on a scale of 1 - 10...apparently that was enough for an epidural. I was also 3 cm at this point.

The anesthesiologist came in and what an odd fellow he was. I was the first patient of his that day and he actually apologized for missing a step in the process (which I can't even remember what it was, but Jeff knows...I'll ask when he comes home from work!) Anyway, Jeff couldn't believe it and said he was a bit unprofessional. The epidural wasn't so bad, Jeff held me and I just moaned when it hurt and it was over. Ahh blessed numbness.

I don't feel a thing for a while and just get to sleep a bit and talk with Jeff, my mom and the wonderful L&D nurse. Then all of a sudden I start to feel the contractions a bit. So I hit the epidural button and get brief relief. But the pain comes back a short time later and the button is hit a couple times more before I realize something isn't working. I had hit the max amount the machine would give me and I could start to feel every single contraction. The nurse calls a different anesthesiologist in and she was even weirder than the last one. She also started blaming the previous guy for messing up and I started praying this woman would just shut up and help me.

She then grabs an ice cube and puts it on different parts of my body asking if there's a difference in the coldness at the different locations. There was and she told me the epidural had failed and would need to be put in again. I sit up and get back into position with Jeff, but I look at him and tell him I all of a sudden don't feel well. My blood pressure had still been high during the labor (approx. 150/90) but at this point it dropped to 90/40. My nurse shoved Jeff aside, grabbed me and started yelling orders at him. I just remember having a cold, wet washcloth on my face and neck while she held me for the 2nd epidural. Thank God my back was still numb, I didn't feel a thing. And after that, the contractions went away and I was finally comfortable again.

Poor Jeff was a bit freaked out. The nurse seemed worried too so she checked me saying she hoped there was progress. Well I made it to 6 cm! We all seemed to think this was great news and that we'd be going soon after this. So I fall asleep and Jeff heads out to the waiting room to eat and see his brother and mom. About 3 hours after the 2nd epidural was put in the doctor came in to check on me. Unfortunately, I was still at 6 cm and Cole had decided to stay high, he wasn't dropping at all. The internal was brutal btw! And after that, I started to feel the contractions again!

The doctor comes back after leaving for a couple minutes and says that they've decided to do a C-section. I didn't want one initially but after everything that happened, I was happy to see an end in sight and told him to go for it. They started preparing the OR and it took them about an hour. An hour where my 2nd epidural had apparently also failed and I could feel these horrible contractions in my stomach AND my back. I couldn't believe the intensity, it was excruciating.

When they were ready, they told Jeff to stay in our room until he was asked to come in and I was wheeled into the OR. I was writhing on the bed, begging them to give me something for the pain. They kept telling me they would but it was taking forever, or it seemed like it. They slid me onto the operating table, which was the same freaking width as I am, and strapped down my legs making the contractions even more difficult to deal with (didn't know that was possible!). They then strapped my arms to these wings that came off the table, I felt like I was being crucified!

Finally, I was given a medicine in my epidural and the anesthesiologist was pinching me to determine if it was working. It wasn't, so he kept pumping this stuff into me until I was just completely dead from my chest down. I started getting really cold and shivering. My hands were blocks of ice. My shoulders hurt from my stiffness, I was so stressed I couldn't relax my muscles. Jeff finally came into the OR and told me how mad he was that he was kept from me for so long. And he was so worried that I couldn't stop shaking.

They started the c-section and Jeff was stroking my hair. I kept going in and out of consciousness asking him if Cole was here yet. Then we heard cheers and our son's cries and we both started bawling. Jeff was told to take a picture and when he popped over the curtain, got an eyeful of me MID-OPERATION!!!! He actually took a picture of it, yuck! And I found out at that point that they actually take your uterus as well as some other organs OUT OF YOU! I had no idea! I thought ignorance was bliss but in this case, let me tell you, it was traumatic! I had a mini panic attack after learning this AND realizing I couldn't even move my toes.

Jeff brought Cole over and even after everything, I told Jeff that our son was completely and totally worth it. As I was being closed up, the anesthesiologist kept asking me what I was dealing with and gave me some different medicines to deal with it all, including lovely morphine for the pain. But I didn't get anything for the shakes until about 45 min later in the recovery room, I was kind of pissed about that.

Cole was being checked out in the nursery and Jeff had joined me in the recovery room and then an hour after his birth, Cole was brought into our L&D room (which we got an extra night in because I was on magnesium sulfate to prevent any possible seizures) to nurse because his blood sugar was low. He got to visit with us and his grandparents for a couple minutes afterward before going back to the nursery for a couple hours.

The rest of the stay was a bit depressing for me. After the gorgeous L&D room, we had two nights in this little PP jail cell of a room where you had to pay for tv (we didn't) and Jeff had the most uncomfortable "bed" (they apparently don't expect husbands to stay over and give you a paper to read and sign saying you understood husbands are basically not their problem, NICE) I couldn't sleep, the baby blues were harsh. I had so much anxiety and was so severely worried about SIDS for when we were home, I just laid in bed all night with no rest. And don't get me started on the food! I burst into tears when I saw the menu with the two meal choices. Jeff just laughed and called our parents to bring real food when they visited.

A week after getting out of the hospital, everything felt better. I got through the worst of the baby blues (which isn't easy in December when it gets dark at 4 pm!), I was healing pretty quickly, and Jeff was the best husband and father and we were completely in love with our new addition. Plus, our pup Truffle had gotten used to Cole and started checking on him when he cried.

Cole is a ridiculously good baby. I feel bad whenever I'm frustrated at night cause all babies need to eat often so it makes sense to be up every 1.5 to 2 hours (we got spoiled with 2 nights where he slept for a 4 hour stretch) but overall we're so happy and grateful for him. And Jeff helped with my anxiety over SIDS, he reassures me every night and we sleep as well as could be expected. ;-)

Below are some professional newborn pics we had taken by the wonderful Caitlin Domanico (who also did my maternity pics!)...sorry if I got carried away posting too many, haha!









And our absolute favorite picture...

Cole has arrived!!

Our little guy was born yesterday via c-section, 12.4.09 at 4:27 pm

He's 8 lbs. 3 oz. and 20 in.

I'll try to update soon with his birth story. Until then, here's a pic taken with my Blackberry. I of course wasn't prepared with a connection for my camera to Jeff's laptop and my laptop chose to die the day before Cole's birth.

Being induced!!

Right at this moment we're in the hospital being induced! Your prayers certainly worked quickly!

We went in for a routine appt, actually ready to argue for my health, and when the Dr. came in he pretty much said we're being induced. Actually it went like this:

Me (to Jeff): I hope he comes in going "Ready to have a baby?"
Jeff: That won't happen.
::Doctor knocks::
Dr: Hello! How are you doing?
Me: Ugh.
Dr: Ugh?
Me: Everything has gotten worse.
Dr: Well I guess we'll have to keep you.
Me: Ok, keep me!
Dr: We are.
Crickets
Me & Jeff: You are?
Dr: Yup, there was protein in your urine so we're keeping you. Be careful what you wish for.
::I burst into tears:: Ok, that's not true, I waited for the Dr. to leave first.

So Cole will most likely be here. I hope via vaginal birth, but we'll see. Keep sending those prayers, we appreciate them so very much!!

See?

This article just proves what I'm feeling!

ETA: Forgot to celebrate full term today! WOOHOO 37w!!!

37w Appt

And it was with the female Dr. of the practice, the one that actually talks to me about what she's thinking.

She again made it clear that she doesn't think I will make it to my due date. I felt like telling her "Well, you don't know my body. It likes to play tricks with me. It will most likely make me suffer and keep all my symptoms just below the threshold of what you all need to approve putting me out of my misery (i.e. inducing me) until I am 1w5d past due, the date you said you would induce me if Cole hasn't decided to show up yet."

I did like that she acknowledged my other symptoms. Basically the other Dr. I have been seeing regularly only sees the HBP, and the possibility of protein in my urine and/or abnormal blood work. He completely ignores the ridiculous swelling, the horrible headaches and now the spots I see in front of my eyes. But this Dr. (I will call her Dr. P) noted down all the other symptoms and kind of groaned when I told her about them.

Oh, and I didn't mention the trip to L&D yesterday since I was worried about an onset of constant pain in my stomach (ALL over it) since Friday morning. I thought I might be in labor, but no, my body is laughing at me and my pain. I can't walk anywhere, I can't get into a position that has the pain at least subsiding enough where I can ignore it (forget the word "comfortable" from now on), I can't focus. But Cole is just fine, thank God.

The Dr. in L&D said there was 1+ protein in my urine and had me do a 24 hour collection. I should know the results by Wednesday at noon. I will be induced (no clue when) if there is protein present in the collection. I was very surprised (and grateful) to hear Dr. P go "I hate to say it, but I wish something would tip the scales so we can get you induced." I almost wanted to cry knowing she at least understood what was going on with me enough to say that. And I admitted to her I felt the same way.

So as much as I hate to hope for something to happen that's dangerous to both myself and Cole, I trust my Doctors and the timing of catching this thing enough to hope there is in fact protein in the urine collection. I hate playing around with our health when there's so much pointing to something being even a little bit wrong. Please pray we'll be welcoming Cole (and my recovering health) very soon.

Sorry for no updates

Things have been busy. I've been back and forth from the Doctors' for almost a week now. Last Wednesday I went in for a regular visit and was found to have high blood pressure (from here on out, referred to as "HBP). There was no protein in my urine but they sent me to L&D (labor & delivery) for blood work and an NST (non-stress test...and these explanations of abbreviations are getting annoying!). Baby Cole is perfect, blood work is "beautiful", but mommy continued to come in and have HBP. I also developed a hideous headache that one Dr. prescribed a migraine level medicine for and guess what? It only partially touches the pain.

I'm also put on modified bed rest and was told they're trying to get me to 37w...which was scary and, I admit, a bit exciting until my last appointment. Here's an update I had sent to a friend in an email: "I went in to the Dr. again today (headache is so much worse) and BP is back up. I had the Dr. I like the least and he pretty much confused me again...he said that something else would have to go "wrong" (higher BP, protein in urine, abnormal blood work) in order to induce me...but I don't know if that means before 37 weeks or at all. I feel like things change from Dr. to Dr. He also said I have to "deal with" my headache until the baby is born.

He did the Strep B thing and an internal, I'm apparently 1 cm dilated (which could mean nothing) but he said it was "Good for a first time mom" UGH!"

So this is where I am right now. Trying to stay calm for Cole's and my own sake, but ridiculously frustrated that one Dr. made it seem like I would be induced around 37w in order to help with my severe pain but another doesn't think it's a good enough reason to induce me.

I'm going in tomorrow for another BP check...it sucks to say this but I hope I'm either fine or something has happened to convince them to "help" me next week because this limbo is frustrating and painful. I keep praying to go into labor so they don't have to do anything.

In happier news, I had my shower this past Saturday. Sure I was drugged and out of it with pain, but I couldn't have had a better time. My family and friends are the absolute best! You should see what they got Cole, he's one lucky little boy! :-)

It's my 35/35!!!

Wow, I'm actually 35 weeks and 35 days from my DD! I was looking forward to today all last week and I almost forgot...it took my ticker to remind me!

Things are definitely uncomfortable right now, incredibly so. And they feel different. I wonder just how much longer I have.

If there's anything to having a pregnancy similar to your mother's, then Cole will be making an early entrance. This is how it went with all her kids, in order of oldest to youngest:

Kathy: 2 Weeks early (38w)
Willy: 3 Weeks early (37w)
Kenny: 8 Weeks early (32w)
Me: 4 Weeks early (36w)

I guess we'll just wait and see!

Forgot to update on Cole

I went for my 33w appt. last Wednesday and initially had a high bp reading. They had me lie on my side after my appt. and when they took it again, it was back to normal. My doc didn't seem to like the high reading though and I'm now down to weekly visits. I'm not too thrilled with that but oh well, better safe than sorry.

Our Dr. also reviewed the u/s, said Cole was in the 72 percentile and everything is in the right place. I asked him if there was a limit to the size they would allow me to go over term with and he said no. He must've seen the fear on my face because he started explaining how I had a certain percentage chance of having a c-section no matter what and even though he thinks I will deliver vaginally, it might not be in the cards for me anyway. He also said the u/s could be off by 2 lbs. either way. After a friend of mine delivered an 8 lbs. baby girl this past Tuesday (when she was supposed to be 6 lbs.) I decided to stop worrying.

I also learned this week that my dad is calling a Thanksgiving baby. I think I turned white after hearing that haha!

Update to the last two posts

So I told Jeff that I don't think there's any way I'll be surprised for my shower. I didn't peek or anything (I designed an invite w/o the info and dh filled them in and printed them for my mom)...but I'm pretty sure I know the general time and I know the place. My mom isn't good at keeping info to herself (sorry, mom!)

We spoke about having it at her house cause I didn't want a ton of money spent on the location. And after announcing the pregnancy to my Godmother, she insisted she be here for the shower. She's coming up for Thanksgiving... ;-)

So dh responds to me that he'll just have to blind fold me for the same amount of time I'm wearing my lovely shower top. Mom jumped on that real quick going "That's a great idea! We need to trick her!" This month is going to be interesting!

As for my maternity pics, I received the CD from Caitlin and wanted to post a few more on here...yeah I can be a bit of an AW, but I LOVE them!

My shower

My mom bought me a top that she wants me to wear for my shower. My surprise shower. So when I asked her how I'm supposed to know when to dress in the top for the shower she said "Well, you can wear it for Thanksgiving. And every day, every weekend afterward. Just in case." That shirt won't make it to the New Year ;-)

My maternity pics are sick!

They were done by Caitlin Domanico, the #1 family photographer in Southeast Pennsylvania. Caitlin is a friend of mine but I can see her being just as relaxed and fun with any one of her clients.

Check out the preview of my maternity pics here, I'm so in love with them!

Surprise u/s!

At my 31w appointment, I met with the only female doctor in the practice and she mentioned that I was supposed to have had a follow up u/s after my 19w one because they didn't get super great pics of Cole's spine. She had no idea why I wasn't told by the male doctors but wrote me a script for another u/s. I was stoked!

DH and I set it up for 2 days later and got to see DS again. She got a really good shot of his face and mentioned he had "pouty lips"...I was like "Awww he has my mouth!" but we'll see for sure when he's born. I can't wait!

Cole is also still measuring 2 weeks ahead so the u/s tech said to not be surprised if he comes on Dec. 10th. We're keeping our fingers crossed that that's the case and he's a 2009 baby.

All work and no play...

This weekend was a killer but we got some huge projects done and I am thrilled. We took two big dressers in our bedroom that we have been dying to re-do (and sometimes dying to just trash) and re-finished them from a very light beige color to a dark mocha with a hint of gray color. There's still a few touches and a set of shelves which we also re-did to set up, and then I'll take some pics of our master bedroom to show off.

We also picked up Cole's dresser and put up his name! The dresser is from the same line as the crib but in white just like the one in my inspiration picture. I'll have pictures of it in the nursery later (since it's currently sitting in our living room after I finished installing the drawers and doors this morning).

As for Cole's name, I initially wanted to do the ribbon deal that a lot of moms-to-be are doing but something else popped into my head. Instead I wanted it to look like a 3D picture on the wall. We painted a white rectangle and glued the letters that I had spent a couple hours covering with pretty designed paper into the middle. Then dh was wonderful at measuring out some molding, painting it black and then gluing that to frame the rectangle. Since my camera decided to die at the exact moment I wanted to take pictures, here's some low resolution ones from my Blackberry.

Needles, needles everywhere

I got both my regular flu shot and the Rhogam shot today. I had read one post (on the 3rd tri Bump board) where the woman said the Rhogam shot is given in the ass. With a larger than normal needle.

Seriously, preconceived notions are what get people in trouble. I was nervous for the Rhogam shot thinking it's going to hurt like hell. Well I breezed through the flu shot and then breezed through the Rhogam shot. Sure, I didn't like the part where my ass is hanging out for this nurse to poke, but not so bad all around.

Two things

My life is a sitcom! We finally got around to watching last week's The Big Bang Theory, which we really relate to, huge dorks. And they actually had a cricket chirping in their apartment building which they went to search for. When that thing started chirping, dh and I were frozen for a second before we bent over laughing.

Second, last night I had a crazy scary dream and asked dh to hold me. I feel him poke me in the butt and he mumbles "No, I don't want to hurt the baby, turn around." I start shaking with laughter and go "I AM turned around, that's my butt!" His response? "This is going in your blog, isn't it?" LMAO!